Leah Clearwater : Crying In The Rain
by MyLookOfDenial
Summary: Sam. Emily. And Leah and her broken heart.


Sam and I were so in love, we really were, but I guess my love just wasn't good enough, I just wasn't good enough, I understand that when you imprint you have no choice, I get it, but it doesn't stop it hurting

_**LEIGH CLEARWATER**_

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_**Sam and I were so in love, we really were, but I guess my love just wasn't good enough, I just wasn't good enough, I understand that when you imprint you have no choice, I ge**__**t it, but it doesn't stop it hurting. He told me he loved me, obviously not enough. I guess, I just wasn't the one, the true love, the soul mate. I mean we were in love, undoubtedly, high school sweethearts, but it was so much more, we really would have done anything for each other–I still would, more fool me.**_

_**Then Emily came along**__**, my own cousin, my friend. I know it's not her fault, I understand that, but I can't help but feel bitter, can't help but wonder what she has that I don't. Do you know what it's like to watch your one and only love leave you, and find someone else, with no explanation? **_

_**He couldn't tell me about imprinting then, but now I know and I understand more, but I still can't help feeling so sad. I can't help but be jealous of her, I can't help but be bitter whenever I see them together, I can't help but still be in love with him. And he knows, that's the worst of it, he knows I love him still, but he doesn't realise its cutting me up inside. **_

_**I know what they say about me, that I'm jealous, I'm bitter, I'm mean, I can't be happy for my own cousin, she found love, but I lost mine. I lost my chance at my fairy tale ending. It's like one of those crappy romances, **_**the guy and the girl are dating. Then another girl comes along and the guy falls for her, because she's the one, the other girl is rejected, pushed to the side, then the guy and his love live happily ever after.**_** But the girl who is rejected is always portrayed as mean and bitchy, she's always the mean one, the horrid one, but you would be too if your happily ever after was stolen from you by your own flesh and blood, one of your friends. Wouldn't you?**_

_**People tell me to get over it, but I know I never will, Maybe I'll imprint**__**, someday–I doubt it though. I've learnt to cut myself off now, I've learnt to not get too close, a heart can only be broken so many times, I can only be broken so many times, before there's nothing left. I lost Sam, my love, then I lost my father, the man I love as much, if not more.**_

_**The man who was always constant, always there, the man who would buy me everything wanted just by me smiling, who would never leave me, like him. I was his little girl and he loved me, he didn't judge me when I was sad about Sam, when I locked myself in my room, when I cried constantly, when I existed, but I didn't live. I was a sad reflection of what I once was, I would look in the mirror and not realise the depressed looking girl staring back was me. **_

_**I was a zombie, eating when I had to, answering questions when asked, going about with my life, not really living, I was a shadow of what I once was, I was unhappy, I was sad, I was so alone. I snapped out of it though, I got angry, when I saw them together, I felt my heart shatter, they said they were sorry, but sorry isn't good enough. I got angry, I glared, I screamed, I swore, if anyone said anything about me, I would shout and fight. **_

_**I had to change that though, so I seethed underneath, like a volcano waiting to erupt, I still do sometimes when it gets too much, when someone says something, I blow, and, I scream, I shout, I fight, I cry, but only when I'm alone. Then again I always cry, my tears burn my pillow at night and I stare at the inside of my eyelids, wondering what my life would have been like if Emily and Sam never met. Though I know it can never be. **_

_**There's only one other person that I know can almost relate to me, Isabella Swan, Bella, she was left, by her bloodsucker. I know how she felt though, even if he was a leech, she loved him, like I loved Sam. He told her he loved her, like Sam did. It may have been worse for her, he said he didn't love her, he'd moved on, but I know Sam still loves me, not as much, but then her leech didn't leave her for her best friend, her cousin. Maybe Bella and I were equal in heart break, though she got him back. **_

_**I know what Jacob feels for her. He loves her, but she doesn't love him enough, I wouldn't advise her to stay with Jake, because like I**__** said a heart can only be broken so many times. Maybe Jake will meet her cousin, or her best friend where she used to live and she will be left all alone–again. Once bitten twice shy.**_

_**I know I'll never really be able to love again, because I can't be broken again, I**__** can't lose again, she was like me, a zombie, but Jake makes her happy, he helped her. There was noone like that for me, I had rip myself from that place and try to piece myself back together again, she called him her sun, he brightened everything up. **_

_**I hate Isabella Swan though, she got her fairytale, in a twisted kind of way, she got her Edward Cullen back, and I never did. He went to save her from death, from his family, for a Vampire, it's pretty decent. But Sam left because he found his soul mate, his true love. It's not fair, it really isn't.**___

_**She'll probably be changed, into a Vampire, but if I were in her shoes and Sam still loved me, if he was a Vampire, I would be changed into one. I would live forever with my true love, it's kind of romantic in a sick and twisted way, if you forget the whole blood drinking thing. **_

_**So I am a bitter cold hearted bitch, but it's the way it is, because I loved him, and I know he still loves me, just not as much as her, I'm not the one. I know I should get over it, move on, make something of my life, but I can't, because I love him so very much, and when I see them together I feel so very sad, but I put on my mask and go back to Leah Clearwater, the bitter and twisted she wolf. The first, the only, girl wolf, I always wanted to be different, to be individual, and I am, I am the only she wolf, but for once I want to be normal. I want to laugh with friends, I don't want to constantly feel unhappy.**_

_**I hear th**__**e pack talk about me–excluding Sam and Seth that is, I hear what they say, I don't blame them, I hate me too, I hate myself more than they do, and they know it, they hear it, there's nothing I can do, they unlike other don't pity me, like Sam, he says he's sorry and he means it, but sorry doesn't make up for the hurt I feel. **_

_**I've cried so many tears now, they fall like raindrops, I saw a picture of someone crying and writing saying,**_** I should have saved up all the tears I cried for you, and drown you in them,**_** I probably have cried enough tears for that, then I saw a pictures of a girl in the rain and words saying**_**, I love standing in the rain, because noone knows I'm crying.**_** I do, I really do, the water washes over you, I love it, I forget for a little while, and just remember the rain pounding onto my upturned face. I want to forget, just for a short while, I'll do anything to forget, anything to forget the heart break, the betrayal, anger, jealousy. **_

_**I often wonder if I'd feel different if Emily wasn't my cousin, if she hadn't been my best friend, it would have been easier to hate her, I wouldn't have known her since I was a baby, I wouldn't have to watch my cousin and the love of my life together. I think it would be different, I wish I didn't know Emily, I wish she was just another of those girls who steal away your love.**_

_**Even with the scars she's still beautiful, I know it's weird and not right but she's outdone me even by that, I wish it was me that Sam had scarred, then I would be, the one. I know being attached by him wouldn't be nice, but she's only outdone me again. I get my heart slashed into tiny pieces, she gets her face slashed. **_

_**Emily wins, is the answer, she always won, she was always prettier, smarter, funnier and kinder than me, so what was I you ask? I am pretty, not breathtakingly so, but I'm still pretty, I'm clever, not a genius, but clever, I can be funny, at least I was, but there is nothing funny left now, no jokes to share with my best friend or my love. **_

_**I'm not kind, not anymore, not ever anymore, I am mean, I am heartless, I am a bitch, but that's the way it will always be, I don't like it, but I can take it, I can deal with it. Because the meanness makes me whole, it makes me someone, I'm not Leah the high school sweetheart Sam left, for her cousin no less. I'm that bitch Leah, whose high school sweet heart left for her cousin. I prefer being that, being push over Leigh, I don't like, I don't like being the cold hearted bitch, but I can deal with it. **_

_**So that's my story, the story of a broken heart, the story of a thousand pains, and the story of Leah Clearwater. The cold hearted bitch, the volcano waiting to erupt, the hater, and the hated. But I can deal with it, life is like a card game, and I'm handling ok with the cards I've been dealt. Though I gambled away everything and my so called best friend took it all, without even an apology. **_

_**So if you ever see a girl standing in the rain, you must wonder if she's like me, heartbroken, if it's tears streaming down her face, if she has to watch her own flesh and blood engaged to her love. But then you must also wonder if she's a bitter and twisted, a sad excuse of who she once was. **_

_**But then again this girl might have just forgotten her umbrella, she might not be crying, she might be the girl who stole away another girls love, not intentionally. She might be happy, she might have forgotten about the heart she unintentionally broke in the process of finding her true love.**_

_**But then again she could just be a normal girl, happy and content with a life that hasn't come crashing down, she isn't still trying to piece herself together, who doesn't feel alone all the time, even when amidst other people. She may be normal, she may be happy, in love. Unlike me, who is bitter and twisted, alone yet not alone at the same time..**_

_**But Then Again No One Said Life Was Fair.**_

_**After All. Life's A Bitch Then You Die.**_

_**Though My Death Won't be For a very Long Time.**_

_**Because. However Much I Hate Being The Only Girl.**_

_**I love The Running.**_

_**The Wind Rushing Past Me.**_

_**The Rain Falling Onto My Upturned Face.**_

_**The Being Free.**_

_**As A Wolf. I Can Forget.**_

_**Maybe Only For A Short Time But Enough To Live.**_

_**So There You Have It.**_

_**My Story. My Life. My Existence. My Being. My Feelings.**_

_**My Bitterness. My Jealousy. My Hurt. My Hate **_

_**All Written Out Just For You.**_

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_**I just felt like a doing a one-shot on what Leah's feeling were, so I hope you like them, it's not really a story though, more of a one-shot on how Leah felt about Sam and Emily.**_

_**Hope you liked it.**_

_**MyLookOfDenial,**_

_**D**_

_**X **_

_**X**_


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